...because you thought Sweden was Switzerland!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to

Miracle Max: Hey! Hello in there! Hey!
What's so important?
What you got here that's worth living for?
Westley: True love!
Inigo: "True Love", you heard him?
You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.

- The Princess Bride

I've been avoiding writing in the blog for a reason, and that reason is that I haven't got my own feelings sorted out. I realize that though the days are honestly all right and some even quite good – that inside, when I'm alone with no one else to have to bare my feelings to, that the fabric of me is frayed. It seems like a giant task, too much to ask, to come out of this whole. Marcus used to say (for instance, in not regretting anything) that life was short. From my perspective, a life that seemed short now appears to be unbelievably long. To live to old age: where I'm concerned, that feels like forever. Despite being composed and mustering my strength to be normal, I often wish that I could scream into a hole; and at times, I feel like falling into it.

Except to say that, I think I will spare you from many deficient words that describe my thoughts, and take the chance to emit a sign of life from me. Because isn't it what this is all about: deciding, trying, and learning to live, without an answer to the most important Whys, and fully knowing that anything and anyone we live for – even those most important, and the most noble causes worth living for – have an end?

Mom and dad are arriving to visit me tomorrow and they're staying until November. Sigh. Gotta hold on a little bit more at a time. Time is slow, and life is long.

<<< Browse older posts (via sidebar list)