...because you thought Sweden was Switzerland!

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Rant number 1,952 and counting

5:59 – Maybe it's because I've already worked intensively last month. Maybe I burned myself off and find it hard to recuperate. Or maybe it's the near-spring weather, or too much candy, or the impending PhD application results, or knowing so many retirees. I just feel like I could take my vacation right now, delay my thesis for another semester, gorge myself with Snickers and wafer chocolates, then nap in the couch, day in and day out. I'm in a mixture of apathy and boredom. I go on with my day to day activities and yet feel so under-stimulated.

I wonder if everybody writing their theses feel this at one point. I go on doing interviews, I transcribe them, I take a break with some Swedish homework, where I just began a new course and am starting to read Greek tragedies and Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" in Swedish. It's all very interesting, yet the tasks are so repetitive and humdrum that I can't get myself to sit over one thing for a whole hour. Oh, my love-hate relation with schoolwork. Put yourself together, you Humpty Dumpty you!

6:38 – Speaking of Humpty Dumpty, I'm starting to look as round as an egg. After our Finland trip I've just been totally dependent on sweets to motivate me to study, or do anything productive at all. Plus, I didn't go spinning for a whole month (though I got back to that this week). Today being International Women's Day, I will not complain about my belly like all other women (haha!). Marcus and I should help each other with this building sweets-dependency though, before we both become fat beyond recognition. Hmm, it's almost pathetic how this is starting to sound like Bridget Jones' diary. I gotta put a stop to this ranting.

7:57 – Because I like to think that I'm a girl with a strong will, and because I hate to whine for long, I put on what my sisters and I call "working music" (U2's Achtung Baby) and put myself to work coding my two latest interviews. I felt for it after ranting, actually. I felt I needed to balance off some of the "negative energies" of dissatisfaction with the "positive vibes" of ... work! Oh, good ole' productive work, the answer to existential problems and the guilt of inactivity. I feel like I just got over Xeno's paradox, that I took the first fraction of a step from immobility. I feel like I just emptied my bowels after days of constipation. But also, I feel strangely dissatisfied, but now I at least know I can always solve it with more work. Yeah, work is what everybody should be doing. That includes you. Go back to work!

2 Comments:

Blogger aka Cheryl said...

joy, i'd say you're crazy if only i don't feel the same way sometimes. hahaha. i also hate it (sometimes) when i'm able to snap myself out of dissatisfaction by working. :P

boo to love-hate relationships!

2:59 AM

 
Blogger Ahoy! said...

Yeah, I'd really rather be bored doing nothing than be bored doing work. :-P Now that I'm sick though, I'm authorized to do absolutely nothing. Sweet! Heheh.

12:50 PM

 

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