It’s closer than you think

I came home from a great concert yesterday night. It was the best experience I have had in a long time. Absolutely amazing – notwithstanding that the concert was held in a church, which may even have contributed to that special rapport between the band and the audience. Sitting in the pews were jazz diggers of all ages, faces with delight, all moving their heads to the beat of the music. The band also seemed to have lots of fun (they said so too!). Their distinct riffs flowed into amorphous improvisations that were playful and witty and not least masterly executed, that each return to the refrain caused wild applauses from the public. It was a real load of fun. Just like music should be.

 

Somewhere in that concert, I had a feeling of epiphany.

The dictionary defines epiphany as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. I guess like having an “aha” moment without trying to analyze or look for an answer at all. And without placing any religious meaning to this sudden insight, the message to me in this moment of clarity was that Life was good. Alright, that sounds like an incredibly banal insight. But I felt both a feeling of being fortunate and that things will turn out well. The human mind seems pretty hardwired to look for and analyze problems, often looking for circumstances to be fixed. I’ve heard one too many conversations about others’ spiral of problems. The feeling of contentment that washed over me at that moment was that things were alright as they were.

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Now, this might sound self-contradictory given what I just said, but it isn’t: After the concert and before sleeping that night, I told myself that I would finally go back to regular runs again and to spinning classes. For the longest time I have been telling myself that I was too tired / had too little time due to my weekly commute to Jönköping to even think about regular exercise. I convinced myself that the price of getting a nice job in another city is time, and that therefore, something’s got to give. But I have started to run again – a few days this past month – and it has been rewarding so far. On closer thought, isn’t it that almost the same feeling in the concert that I also have when on a good run and on a spinning pass high? It’s the feeling of awe. The feeling that circumstances past, present and future don’t matter too much, and that's perfectly okay.

The beauty of things being alright as they are, is that you don’t need to change outside circumstances to be happy. We can’t change all outside circumstances. Some of them we choose to live by even if they are not perfect. But we can always change the way we perceive the circumstances as being advantageous or disadvantageous for us. It gives perspective on what you can and can’t change, or don't need to change for now. I suppose this is why, despite being a non-believer, the Serenity prayer has always made perfect sense to me.

I could change my perspective on the circumstances, and that makes all the difference. I fooled myself into thinking that I was too tired to take myself to the gym or go out for that run. I blamed time and distance. At the same time, I spent a lot of time doing nothing instead, while that run,or the gym, was closer than I made it out to be.

“It’s closer than you think”: That is my new sports mantra from today.

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Today’s run, in 4 degrees C, offered a fantastic morning scenery. The low sun shone through a fog that slowly sank its way closer to the ground. The landscape filled with lazy blurry light, but the sun still cast a reflection on the river. A few dozen Canada geese flew overhead to an elegant landing to companions waiting on the grass. Absolute beauty! And of course, I had Mezzoforte songs playing in my head.